Should I start with the time I threw a pumpkin head at third graders or when I swore at a nun? It’s probably easiest to report chronologically, starting when I was a child and working my way to adult retribution. The first time I remember getting a principal’s “talking to” was for ditching class in public elementary school. To be fair, there were trees not far from the school, and they didn’t call me stupid or most-likely-to-be-a-failure, so I preferred to read in their shade